Our Dearly Beloved, we gather here today to celebrate the end of a young woman’s journey in this world. No more will she be the girl we have known to grace the screen. She’s a woman now, and although turning “The Dirty Thirty” was a milestone I was dragged over, kicking and screaming (blood-curdling vulgarities), all is as it should be.
I’m sorry I haven’t written much of anything this past year. Me and my life required serious maintenance, focus, intention, attention, and love.
I’ve been out of the adult business for over 4 years now. Don’t get me wrong, there was this one October that I had a mini- Almost-30-Life-Crisis, and almost had to start back from square one- but in that moment of weakness- and blind faith- I turned away from what I knew was my last chance back into the industry. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was no longer that little girl in Hollywood; I was someone else.
Getting accustomed to this new Ava was not difficult, nor easy. Ava, the one who no longer identified as a saucy film star, but who was desperately looking for a suitable stunt double, as to aid her in a role that only she best knew how to play. Herself. Her life. I found myself having to get real Organic about everything. Not just the fruits and veggies, but the real meat and potatoes of it all.
I’ve got back in touch with me. The girl who loves baking, listening to eerie supernatural podcasts, watching scary movies, and decorating my home. I catch this new version of myself, every-now-and-then, still looking for that guy she has always hoped would be out there, but has yet to find, and I laugh.
“Some things never change.Or maybe that’s just what Hope said.”
I’m having a love relationship with myself, and it is a hot one alright! I eat what I want, when I want. I cut back on the partying out late, and settled for an early cup of pre-work-coffee every morning, before the stars go to sleep.
I cook a lot. How is this possible? What have you done with that girl who used to think that the only thing you could cook with was a microwave?! Well, I guess we even surprise ourselves sometimes.
We don’t know what we’re made of until it breaks, and then heals over… stronger than we ever were before the fall…Stronger than the worst winters of our life. Until we heal, and feel that new Spring to our step; look toward the summer to do it all over again. Life. Live a great one, and thank you for taking the journey with me.