All posts by noturgirlnextdoor

About noturgirlnextdoor

Award-Winning Transgender Adult Entertainer Gone Blogger.

RIP Hazel Tucker


Our Dearly Beloved, we gather here today to celebrate the end of a young woman’s journey in this world. No more will she be the girl we have known to grace the screen. She’s a woman now, and although turning “The Dirty Thirty” was a milestone I was dragged over, kicking and screaming (blood-curdling vulgarities), all is as it should be.

I’m sorry I haven’t written much of anything this past year. Me and my life required serious maintenance, focus, intention, attention, and love.

I’ve been out of the adult business for over 4 years now. Don’t get me wrong, there was this one October that I had a mini- Almost-30-Life-Crisis, and almost had to start back from square one- but in that moment of weakness- and blind faith- I turned away from what I knew was my last chance back into the industry. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was no longer that little girl in Hollywood; I was someone else.

Getting accustomed to this new Ava was not difficult, nor easy. Ava, the one who no longer identified as a saucy film star, but who was desperately looking for a suitable stunt double, as to aid her in a role that only she best knew how to play. Herself. Her life. I found myself having to get real Organic about everything. Not just the fruits and veggies, but the real meat and potatoes of it all.

I’ve got back in touch with me. The girl who loves baking, listening to eerie supernatural podcasts, watching scary movies, and decorating my home. I catch this new version of myself, every-now-and-then, still looking for that guy she has always hoped would be out there, but has yet to find, and I laugh.

“Some things never change.Or maybe that’s just what Hope said.”

I’m having a love relationship with myself, and it is a hot one alright! I eat what I want, when I want. I cut back on the partying out late, and settled for an early cup of pre-work-coffee every morning, before the stars go to sleep.

I cook a lot. How is this possible? What have you done with that girl who used to think that the only thing you could cook with was a microwave?! Well, I guess we even surprise ourselves sometimes.

We don’t know what we’re made of until it breaks, and then heals over… stronger than we ever were before the fall…Stronger than the worst winters of our life. Until we heal, and feel that new Spring to our step; look toward the summer to do it all over again. Life. Live a great one, and thank you for taking the journey with me.



Mademoiselle’s Larger-Than-Life Lenormand Oracle Deck Is Available For Purchase!!!




Seeking answers from the Spirit World? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Here at Mademoiselle’s, you’re on your way to find the right divination tool to help you do just that! Our “Larger-Than-Life Lenormand Oracle Cards” are the perfect implement to help open your third-eye, and begin your journey into the world of magic.


Larger- Than-Life Lenormand Guide Booklet

Mademoiselle LaGasse’s
Larger-than-Life Lenormand Oracle Deck Guide Booklet

A messenger on horse moves swiftly, bringing good news in-hand. He may just drop by for a visit so be ready for company.

It is said that to spot a four-leaf clover in a patch of green is Lucky indeed. Small in size but possibly Unforeseen, events may be Unexpected, Fortunate, or both.

A ship, a Machine of Transit, powered by coals that burn and supply energy to its Engine,
Travels upon the vast ocean to Far Away Lands Abroad.

Shelter from the cold warms the heart where structures protect our close loved ones and
us from the elements. “Home is where the heart is,” whether your heart lies by a warm hearth, inside your Body’s rib cage, or in the four walls you find yourself residing in most often.

Roots grow deep within Family, Legacy, and over a long period of time. Healthy trees
have healthy roots that give it life and strengthen it in order to survive any storms that may come it’s way.

We never know what shape a cloud will take, or what lies beyond it’s mysterious, and many times ominous ever-changing elusive fogginess. A storm blows in and blocks out the light of day, making our vision unclear, and off-setting our mood.

A snake slithers away in the grass quietly most of the time. No one knows what poison it
packs until it bites, therefore it may be representing an old soul, passive-in-nature, with
glasses and brown hair, or be a dangerous devil causing interference.

Death is the end to life, as quiet is the end to song. We all end up in a coffin, and sometimes learning to accept and navigate the inevitable endings and changes in our lives is the only way to really live.

A talented florist arranges beauty that is intended to bestow a gift. Flowers are a blessing for someone special that may be recognized and honored for their own abilities, love, or beauty.

A sharp metal tool that is useful can be swift, utilitarian, essential, and even
dangerous; it all depends on who is doing the cutting, and what is being cut. Intellect can be sharp but if it is applied in order to cause pain it can cause quick loss for its bearers or

Sometimes we try to clean up any patterns of behavior that may not be what we want anymore, or good for us. A boomerang can be fun and exhilarating, or it can be painful if we don’t keep an eye on what needs to be handled before it comes back to smack us in the face. Make a habit to check in with yourself about any recurrences that might or might not turn up to be problematic down the road. The definition of insanity is doing the same something over and over, expecting a different result.

Birds sing to one another perched on a lantern that is their podium or stage. Take another listen to what they might be communicating. Is it melodious chatter, or goosey gossip? Does it sound soft like sleepy songbirds on a calm morning, or like chaotic clucking of something disturbing the peace within the coop? Tweets are words to the birds. Something wise may being conveyed vocally between a pair of chatty chirping ones.

Naïve eyes look at the world with fresh untainted perspective and excitement about all
that is new to them. Some say being young is a curse, yet other’s say they long for the fountain-of-youth. There is wisdom in innocence, blessings in new adventures, and beginnings that have not yet been claimed by the past.

A fox’s job is to look out for himself. He hunts at night and pounces from out under the brushes of trees for his meals. It is in his best-nature that he is sly, but is it in your best interest to cross his path? Is he just a Clever animal doing his best to survive, or are you falling victim to being his prey? Redheads can be considered foxy, but when the tale this card tells isn’t about a side job or task at hand, it is talking about underhanded dealings and Deception.

A mother bear has to be strong to help her cubs survive. She is the top of the food chain most of the time. She is the head, the leader, and enforcer of nature’s laws. She has purpose and takes charge at any obstacles that may get in her way of finding nourishment and safety. She is the boss of her domain.

A star is wished upon, followed to salvation, looked to for guidance on what is to come, and is our understanding of how small we are, yet reminds us of how we are not insignificant. We are made of stardust, and it is how we are connected to all that is around us. We are asked to shine from within, seek of dreams, and be apart of something greater than we could have ever imagined with this card. Jupiter the bringer of luck and expansion orbits close by to remind us to think bigger and stretch our realities and limitations to fit our dreams within them.

The Stork brings bundles of joy on its wings as it flies through the winds of change. Births can be painful and tedious, but this card represents the happiness that is well worth the struggles and weight those struggles carry. It reminds us that the gestation process is just as precious as the eventual outcome and special moment. Some changes bring beauty and movement into the future.

Man’s Best Friend is a devoted and loyal companion you can trust to be there through it all. It is the faithful hound, and the tried-and-true plan that you count on. It never leaves your side, because it has unconditional love for whatever it claims as it’s master. This card ensures long walks, and to be waiting for you by the door no matter rain or shine. Siblings, friends, protectors, and kindred spirits come forward when this card shows up at your door.

Brick-by-brick and wall-by-wall, a colony of workers all with specific duties to their project, build a fortress. Their rankings determine their say in managing what they are responsible for and each answers and looks to the one above him to ensure the job gets done. A hierarchy that is built upon a common goal with it’s own workforce is the business of this card. If for some reason, the workforce moves onto another project and leaves someone behind, it is in solidarity that they may find peace from the busy world below.

What takes place in The Garden is the celebration of life’s most special moments with
others. It’s a place of serenity most times, having an ambience that is in accordance with the laws of nature. A garden in designed to be a slice of heaven where one can embrace Mother Gaia and promotes growth and harvest, which is then celebrated within it’s man-made confines. Labyrinths of familiar colors and faces that make you want to share this special time and place with others. I hope you RSVP’d and have directions because this card suggests a meeting place that may be memorable for years to come.

On life’s journey we come across many mountains blocking our way. You can give up and stay put, or accept the challenge of the climb. It’s the climb that makes the peaks more joyful. Once we are there we can see things from a higher perspective. Sometimes mountains make us reevaluate and attempt to find another route, but take heed that you are not taking the easy way around your obstacles.

Sometimes the road-less-traveled, the hard-way out, or the easy way doesn’t make itself
apparent until we’ve already taken a turn and traveled a-ways. The Path is a sign showing us that there are important decisions coming that may lead us in a totally new direction in life. We must make a choice in order to move forward. Fear of making a wrong turn will only leave you stranded in the woods. If you’re not sure which way to go, take time to meditate and sleep on it. A crossroad shadowed by the confusion of night will be illuminated during the day.

Things seem scarce sometimes. We may feel lack in our lives, and in doing so we invite little critters into the cabinets or our lives to feast on what we fear to lose. Mice may be cute to some but in this card there is always a rat among the pack that wants to take our life’s hard work or resources away little-by-little. Mice manifest theft of all kinds, waning what surrounds them down to the crumbs that are left. Sometimes this can be a good thing if what is being taken away is no longer wanted or is intended to be taken.

A heart beats wildly when it is excited about its passions for the sweet things in life. It may beat for the decadence or finer things in life. It could even beat for artistic expression. Maybe it’s a certain special someone that is the drum behind its beating? A heart is similar to a strawberry, as its love is sometimes sugary and tart all at the same time. If there is some bitter-sweetness, why not pair it with something that compliments it in all the right ways you love?

A ring binds lovers in matrimony, a sorority in brother and sisterhood, and can be a symbol of promise of partnership. Partnerships in business and love alike, the ring is the strong metal bond that cannot easily be broken. It depends on what it is made of at the core level if this compromise, promise, or joint venture will be a success for years to come. It reminds us that our words are not to be taken lightly because someone else is counting on them to make our dreams as a collective come true.

Books hold the power of knowledge within their pages. A closed book foretells of secrets, as an open book doesn’t feel the need to keep facts from others in greed. Education of all kinds, are passed along through the binding curiosity it evokes. Like a witch’s spell book it can co-create manifestations and powers that can be used for good, or wickedness. It is all how you use the hidden knowledge within its pages. Many great stories are written to bring us closer and cause us to be able to learn more about others’ perspectives.

Letters are words that are clues to a puzzle that is our overall picture of understanding. We share feelings, desires, and burdens within our writing. Love can be expressed in a Christmas card or a love letter. Contracts are written to help us understand the parameters that are expected of those bound by it. Essays help teachers to understand that we have grasped an understanding of the material at hand. Today we send electronic letters of all kinds, in text and email. The written word is a special thing. Something said can be forgotten or misinterpreted over the ages of time. Writing is forever.

A man is someone who identifies with masculine action-driven energies. He may be physically male in form, but he doesn’t have to be. He is someone that is significant in your life when he shows up. Surrounding cards will tell what his involvement in the situation at hand is. This card can sometimes represents the male archetype or a man, but is also understood to the literal and physical conscious aspects of the human mind. He can be used as a significator when intentionally placed in a spread.

Is she you, a friend, or a female lover? The lady is just that; a lady in your life who is coming forward to tell you something. She represents the female archetype; therefore, she can be a man who is in touch with his feminine side. Nurturing the realms of our subconscious minds and helping us to understand what she brings to the big table of life. What is before her-her future, and what is behind her- her past. She can be placed in the center of a nine-card spread
as a significator, or woman that you are seeking more information on.

White lilies are a symbol of purity, wisdom, and truth. Due to this association, elderly
mentors and gurus of all kinds come to mind when this card shows up. Lilies can be a
representation of the female reproductive organs and systems, and human sexuality. They can represent an older gentleman is certain circumstances. Lilies are often considered when there is recognition of works well done, and a life well-lived.

The sun helps to keep us alive, and therefore when it shows up it is something to be celebrated. Joyous and successful rays shine down on all near it. Beams of light bring all that has been kept hidden in the dark into sight. Vitality, happiness, and exposing all around is the sun’s main goal. It can be a secret revealed, and it warms the negativity of any other cards surrounding it by bestowing hope that everything will be okay. Look on the bright side of things and see miracles happen in your life.

Luna’s silver rays help us to navigate the darkness and bring wonder to the night. She shines bright in the sky, making those around her jealous, but she knows her purpose. Her magic pulls in and out the tides, and she is the weaver and fortune-teller of dreams to the stars. Recognition by others for beauty and fame, psychic abilities, and dreams all fall under the secrets of the moon and all her feminine energy of the subconscious and what lies beyond the veil. She can represent the feminine cycles of life, and the full and new moon in terms of timing.

“Will he marry me;” if the answer is the key than “yes” indeed. The key unlocks doors that block our way to moving forward. It unlocks the recesses of a confused mind to give it clarity in order to make the right decisions. It is the answer to our prayers, and we look to it for guidance wherever it shows up in a reading. Anything literal with a lock or key can also fall under this card’s meanings.

Like a fish out of water, that ends up landing in an ever-flowing river of liquid gold… this card denotes abundance, prosperity, and big fortunate events involving the material world. Whether through your own hard work, and successful decision-making or a stroke of luck, this card shows a leap forward in financial status. It can mean abundance of all kinds and in all ways, and it can represent the cycle of energies relating to harvest. Fish eat food for energy, which they use to build their families, and then their babies do the same. It is when we are in complete harmonious flow with the universe that it can deliver the riches of life.

Like the rocks on the shore, the anchor is a heavy but sturdy card. It holds staying power for a long time. It can solidify hopes, or drag us through our fears through the murky waters for a substantial amount of time if badly aspected. Overall, it is a card about stability and security and can be a very positive sign that great things are not going anywhere anytime soon.

It is said that we all have a cross to bear. It can be a burden that is not easily shared with
others but we can always call upon our higher-selves, and or Higher-Power to help us learn to live-with and or conquer these struggles within our life. We must have faith that we are never dealt anything that we were not spiritually created to handle. Therefore, this card can acknowledge the existence of difficulty, spiritual intervention, prayer, religious beliefs,

and sacrifice.

Closer To God: A Poem for Karen

All Your Life

You’ve been reaching up

Hoping to fly off the ground

You crawled dreaming clouds

Nibbling the Peyote

You didn’t mind the thorns

Anything to bring you closer to God.

Scorpion with that hard exterior shell,

You kept us all on our feet,

As you crawled onto our path,

We couldn’t but meet,

Your sting from time-to-time.

It wasn’t your fault;

The nature of your watery vault.

Encased deep within your skin,

Injected venom in;  you couldn’t help,

But bring us Closer to God.

You made crawling graceful.

Humble deserted one,

Playing with the tumble weed,

as you dreamed of flying,

Like the Eagle you desire to be,

Closer to God.

Like the sun setting on the hot horizon,

You were always there, vulnerably guarded,

As you marched into our lives,

Making crawling graceful.

Your sting, a rush that we evaded,

But now long to feel.

As you climbed over the terrain,

Our hearts’ , the canyon you filled,

With your life, with your poison

With your tough side, your nature,

Was to crawl and dream of flying;

Like the Eagle, You became.

One day, when you decided

That love was more than death,

More than any pained-gain,

More than any high from the Peyote,

We howled at the moon.

Now we poorly emulate your crawl,

Stung by the day,

No one got in the way,

Of that beautiful barbed strike.

You had always been lashing,

Your own way.

We clung to that ever chasing

Feeling of you.

Because being in your grace

Brought us closer to God.





Heel For You

  • Can’t tell if it’s your misdirection, your camera’s lights; a slight of hand.
  • A magician’s rites, a pact signed, my future told in the falling, through the cracks in the Devil’s hand.
  • Telling me I’m just a piece of ivory ass and wood, and without you playing me, I’m no good.
  • You set me up in your loud and lonely mansion
  • Flew me out, pinned me up, and spread me around
  • A Pedestal, too high to see just who and what was going down in your underground
  • I gotta admit you’re good; your seductive song and dance
  • Commanding a City of Fallen Angels, who crawl to you for that Hollywood chance
  • It doesn’t take rocket science, besides the stars are all dead.
  • Their legends, dollar bills you riffle through, seeing what the next little girl, sketched at the bottom of those green pages will lead you to.
  • Now who’s flipping off and through, who?
  • The chords and scenes have long been cut,
  • But they’re still all living in your freedom and making your smut,
  • Just a bunch of “ignorant Mary’s in fishnets”, your idolatry of Puppetry
  • The underdogs you give a whip to, an insincere exchange of power, to keep your place at the reigns
  • The jokes on you, this Bitch is through, I will never again pose for you.
  • You might have been holding that camera, but you’ll never own what I’ve got.
  • Cuz I’m back to that lot where my friends and I used to smoke pot.
  • Back to my Momma’s backyard in the quiet suburbs of the city
  • Met the first guy I kissed, he told me I’m evermore pretty
  • Remember, I didn’t run-I left. And you of course made sure no one could accuse you of theft.
  • I landed just right on your invisible white ex, and now I’ve got you where I want you.
  • I hope you don’t mind my stilettos, now that I’m on top.
  • In my prime, it’s due time, I used you for a step up.
  • Not to worry, I’m not in any hurry, as I shift and shuffle my feet.
  • Because when the time is right you’ll feel the weight of me lift
  • But you’ll be the one left with the scars from this old grift.
  • I might be letting my hair down, but please don’t get the wrong idea.
  • Cuz I ain’t your Rapunzel, and you ain’t got copyrights to this new reel.